The Soldier
Not an expert in your area, but not ill-equipped to understand it, the Soldier will plod through to produce an honest and (mostly) correct review.
But, not being an expert in your area, they won't have much passion; they won't argue strongly for acceptance or rejection.
They'll fall in line with the experts.
Most reviewers are soldiers.
The Heavy Weapons Guy
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The Heavy Weapons Specialist is the expert in your area.
They will either champion your paper or eviscerate it.
Whatever they unleash, it will be intense, focused and unstoppable.
The Demoman
Right from the title, the Demoman knew your paper had to be rejected.
If the review must exceed the length of your manuscript to accomplish this, so be it. Your paper is simply too dangerous to publish.
It must, and will, be stopped.
More a treatise on your incompetence than a traditional peer review, this tome leaves no nit unpicked.
Papers that receive the Demoman's gentle touch must be identified through dental records.
The Sniper
The Sniper reads only until the first (perceived) mistake.
Headshot. Reject. Next.
The Medic
The Medic wanted to save your paper.
But, they ended up killing the patient.
Rife with suggestions for improvement, the Medic's review somberly concludes that "even though I enjoyed the paper, it would be premature to publish these results at this time."
The Engineer
Engineers love experimentation.
In fact, the Engineer never met a paper that couldn't do with more.
"It's a promising idea, but your experiments are inadequate."
The Scout
The Scout delivers a flawless summary of your abstract.
The Spy
The Spy is working on exactly the same problem.
Remarkably, they had the same idea for a solution.
Fear not--your idea will appear in print!
Just not with your name on it.
The Pyro
Reviews from Pyros need to be held in oven mitts.
Your topic is out of scope.
Your writing is terrible.
Your problem is not worth solving.
Your idea sucks.
Your solution doesn't work.
Your theory is broken.
Your experiments are hopelessly flawed.
Plus, you're duplicating the classic result from [Smith and Jones, 1955].
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